*Ring, Ring*
"Thanks for calling ButtNet High Speed Tech Support, my name is Dave, how can I help you?"
"Yes, sir. I am having a problem with my internet."
Can I stop at this point and say... WELL DUH! Can you people start the call by saying something else? Seriously, This is internet tech support. Anyhow... back to the story.
I look up the lady's account and see that she had previously been referred to Microsoft for a windows issue. When asked about it she replies, "Oh, yeah, I got that fixed, but now my ether light is off." It took me a moment to process 'ether light' but I understood it to mean "ethernet light." So after doing a few line tests, and asking about the light status on her modem, I realized that the modem was not connected to her computer.
"I checked the cable," she says, "and it looks fine on both ends."
So, at this point, I ask the obvious... as I am often known to do out of self defense, "Is your computer on?"
"Well," she says, "That's a problem."
"Why is that?" I ask.
"It will not power on. Can you fix that?"
What a moron.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
The typist
*Ring, Ring*
"Thanks for calling ButtNet High Speed Tech Support, my name is Dave, how can I help you?"
"Well, I am not sure. I can't get my outlook express to work. Every time I open it, it gives me an error and won't let me do anything," the caller says.
"Okay, sir. Give me a moment to look over your account." I open up the account notes and take a peek.
"I already talked to four other people," says the caller before I can read more than one line of notes, "and have been having this problem for almost a week now. I am getting pretty fed up with ButtNet, and am ready to cancel my service."
As I check over the customer's account, I notice that he just spent an hour talking to some other tech, just twenty minutes ago, who he hung up on. The old man then immediately called back. This guy had called several times over the course of the week, and all the account notes said the same thing: there is no problem with the old man's email.
So I had the guy open up his outlook, and walked him through some basic settings. We got to the username and password settings, and I told him to enter them in.
"Well, that is part of the problem," he says. "I'm not sure what my password is."
"No problem sir, we can go to the ButtNet website, where I can help you reset your password."
So next I tell the old man to open up his web browser, and type in the company's web address. "Sir, do you see the address bar at the top of the page?"
"The what?" he asks.
"The address bar."
There is a brief pause. "I don't know where that is."
"Do you see where it says h-t-t-p?"
Another pause. "Oh, yeah."
"Click on it, an type, b-u-t-t- dot -n-e-t."
"Okay."
"Now hit enter."
"Okay. Now it says 'Bing' at the top and gives me a list of websites."
"That means you have typed the address wrong. Try it again. Make sure you are typing b-u-t-t- dot -n-e-t."
"That's what I typed," he argues.
"Please do it again."
There is a pause. I can hear him typing slowly with one finger. "I get the same page as before."
"What are you typing?"
"Well, lets see. I typed b-u-t-t- dot slash -n-e-t."
"No sir." I repeat the web address again slowly. We do this several more times, with no luck.
Twenty five minutes pass. Seriously. Twenty five minutes.
"Tell me what you have typed this time sir."
"B-u-t-t slash-n-e-t colon."
"Okay, sir. If you can't get to the ButtNet website, I can't help you."
"Well, I am typing exactly what you tell me, I don't understand why it ain't working."
"Sir," I say slowly, trying helplessly not to show my frustration, "one of two things is happening. Either you are typing it incorrectly, OR your computer is mysteriously changing the web address, without your permission, before you hit enter."
"Well, that must be it because I am typing b-u-t-t-n-e-t- dot slash, just like you told me to."
Forty five minutes later, after accomplishing absolutely nothing, my supervisor finally allowed me to transfer the guy to our upper level tech support. I have no idea what happened to him. I suppose he is talking to some poor guy right this moment.
What a moron.
"Thanks for calling ButtNet High Speed Tech Support, my name is Dave, how can I help you?"
"Well, I am not sure. I can't get my outlook express to work. Every time I open it, it gives me an error and won't let me do anything," the caller says.
"Okay, sir. Give me a moment to look over your account." I open up the account notes and take a peek.
"I already talked to four other people," says the caller before I can read more than one line of notes, "and have been having this problem for almost a week now. I am getting pretty fed up with ButtNet, and am ready to cancel my service."
As I check over the customer's account, I notice that he just spent an hour talking to some other tech, just twenty minutes ago, who he hung up on. The old man then immediately called back. This guy had called several times over the course of the week, and all the account notes said the same thing: there is no problem with the old man's email.
So I had the guy open up his outlook, and walked him through some basic settings. We got to the username and password settings, and I told him to enter them in.
"Well, that is part of the problem," he says. "I'm not sure what my password is."
"No problem sir, we can go to the ButtNet website, where I can help you reset your password."
So next I tell the old man to open up his web browser, and type in the company's web address. "Sir, do you see the address bar at the top of the page?"
"The what?" he asks.
"The address bar."
There is a brief pause. "I don't know where that is."
"Do you see where it says h-t-t-p?"
Another pause. "Oh, yeah."
"Click on it, an type, b-u-t-t- dot -n-e-t."
"Okay."
"Now hit enter."
"Okay. Now it says 'Bing' at the top and gives me a list of websites."
"That means you have typed the address wrong. Try it again. Make sure you are typing b-u-t-t- dot -n-e-t."
"That's what I typed," he argues.
"Please do it again."
There is a pause. I can hear him typing slowly with one finger. "I get the same page as before."
"What are you typing?"
"Well, lets see. I typed b-u-t-t- dot slash -n-e-t."
"No sir." I repeat the web address again slowly. We do this several more times, with no luck.
Twenty five minutes pass. Seriously. Twenty five minutes.
"Tell me what you have typed this time sir."
"B-u-t-t slash-n-e-t colon."
"Okay, sir. If you can't get to the ButtNet website, I can't help you."
"Well, I am typing exactly what you tell me, I don't understand why it ain't working."
"Sir," I say slowly, trying helplessly not to show my frustration, "one of two things is happening. Either you are typing it incorrectly, OR your computer is mysteriously changing the web address, without your permission, before you hit enter."
"Well, that must be it because I am typing b-u-t-t-n-e-t- dot slash, just like you told me to."
Forty five minutes later, after accomplishing absolutely nothing, my supervisor finally allowed me to transfer the guy to our upper level tech support. I have no idea what happened to him. I suppose he is talking to some poor guy right this moment.
What a moron.
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